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With Allah's love

Assalamu'alykum to all

I  am so sorry I couldn't make it to update this blog since the last post. I do have some time to online, but still not having enough time to type in a post.

I was too busy handling three or four (can't remember anymore) programmes in one time and now, some of them are still in the process. But I want to steal some time to update my lovely blog for these hectic weeks.

There're so many stories I want to share but I don't have much time to type in. So, I think I'll just make a brief for each of it in this diary.

Last week, I entered a tournament, while also being the secretariat under protocol. Although I didn't do much, but it's a relief that the tournament going well under the control of my seniors. They're such a great team. Grats to them. =)

And, last two weeks, I registered my name for SUKMA 2010, in Fencing as Negeri Sembilan's representative. This one, I need to be really serious either to continue or write a letter to back off in this week. I know, I can go on for the training every weekends but I'm not sure I can do well for the footwork at all. The coach's aiming for gold, so do I. But I'm afraid I'll just break our hearts to pieces on the historical day. Oh please....

And last week, I've been confirmed by the MT as the new selected EXCO in my fac. Oh God....

This is really too far. I don't know whether I can make it or not. I'm not the best among the best or even the best among normal students. I'm just no one to be compared to the others. Oh God. With my attitude, I believe its gonna be a fitnah to the council and even to my faculty. (Which I hope not.)

Ya Allah, do help me in this heavy responsibility you've put on me. I kept no faith for myself to do this right on my own, without Your help, o Allah. People might asking questions, but I hope they won't be too occupied to search for the untold answers. Do help me, my Lord for You are the only One who knows what's the best in me and for me. Amin.

And last but not least, I hope this isn't the long lasting sin I'll do for this semester. O Allah, do save me from continuing to be in this dilemma. After all those weeks, I've got something special enough for me to keep for myself. And I hope it won't be a sin because as a human being, I know it's a normal thing.

But still, saying that it's normal can't give a relief to me to continue being in 'this' situation. I used to listen to Maher Zain's song in Niza's blog day by day for the lyrics and music combined beautifully enough to make me  feel okay after listening to it. But, I don't know why, since past two days, I listened to the song, a vision came across and my heart beat faster than normal.

Huh. All this time I tried to put it aside but these two days, this 'thing' really got my attention. But now, its okay. Since I've put this story in here, it means I've decided to put this aside.

Cleo, there will be no more time for you to think about this, okay? Focus, my dear. Focus.

Put this thing aside, and please, continue to live your life as usual. He's not thinking about you even for one second, and so do you. Cleo dear, you need to know, this isn't the place and time for this. You shall not make your life become miserable because of a guy. It's not worth it when you have to look at your dream life leaving you behind for someone you didn't even know so much.

Keep repeating the same phrase you had always said to yourself,

"This is just a phase. This is just a phase. This is just a phase."

Keep holding to your pride, keep reminding your prejudice,

Keep yourself as a whole, and do sway your life gracefully...

By the way, actually I want to share about two posts I read today, I mean, just now. These posts are quite useful to me and I do hope it's the same to all of you. Have fun reading and don't forget to take what it gives before you lose it... See ya. Assalamu'alykum...

Link I

Link II

With Love,
Cleo
~ Creating Ideas, Developing Words ~

{ Maafkan Ku }

With Allah's love

Assalamu'alykum to all

Ya Allah, ampunilah dosa ku. Dosa besar ku lakukan terhadap Mu. Ampuni ku kerna telah jauh meninggalkan Mu, jauh melarikan diri dari Mu, ya Tuhanku.

Kau cuba untuk menunjukkan rahmat dan kasih Mu terhadap ku, Kau cuba membuktikan kesetiaan Mu di sisi ku selama ini, ya Allah. Tapi ku cuba menafikan nya, sehingga menyebabkan ku semakin menjauhi-Mu, Tuhan ku. Ampuni aku yg hina ini, ya Allah. Ampuni diri ku ini. Aku perlukan Mu, ya Allah. Jangan pernah kau tinggalkan aku setelah ku sedari kehadiran Mu, Tuhan. Ampuni aku, wahai Pencipta ku.

Abi, maaf kan adik kerna semakin lemah. Maaf kan adik kerna telah melupai pesan nasihat abi. Maaf kan adik kerna sudah tidak setabah dahulu, tika abi masih di sisi membimbing diri ini, tika abi masih senang tuk mendengar keluhan hati ini, tika abi masih setia meniupkan semangat ke dalam hati kecil ini untuk terus bertahan.

Abi, maaf kan adik kerna melupainya. Sungguh, adik merindui abi lebih dari segalanya. Hadirnya abi semalam tidak mampu menghilangkan rindu ini, tidak mampu memberi ruang untuk meluahkan segala di hati ini. Abi, maaf kan adik kerna tidak lagi menjadi seperti anak kecil abi yang sentiasa kuat menghadapi segalanya. Abi, maaf kan adik.

Umi, maaf, maaf, sesungguh-sungguhnya, maaf kan azizah. Ampuni aku ya Allah, maaf kan azizah, umi. Maaf kan azizah kerna telah meragui kasih dan sayang umi selama ini, maaf kan azizah kerna mempertikaikan segalanya. Umi, azizah rindu umi, rindu saat umi setia menemani tika azizah mengulangkaji. Umi, azizah sayang umi, maaf kan azizah. Ampuni aku, ya Allah.

Kak Ifah, kak Imah, maaf kan adik. Maaf kan adik kerna jadi begini. Adik begitu terasa kehilangan tika itu, maaf kan adik kerna melupai kata nasihat kalian. Maaf, maaf, maaf kan adik kerna sudah tidak seceria dulu. Maaf kan adik kerna semakin menyepi, mengelak dari kalian. Maaf kan adik, adik sayangi kalian, masih seperti dulu sayang ini.

Firdaus, Na'im, maaf kan kak Izah. Maaf kan kak Izah kerna melupai tanggungjawab kak Izah terhadap kalian. Maaf kerna kak Izah terleka dalam dunia sendiri sehingga melupai kalian, melupai betapa bahagia dan beruntungnya dikurniakan Allah kalian dalam hidup ini. Maaf kan kak Izah, kak Izah seperti telah gagal menjadi contoh terbaik untuk kalian. Maaf kan kak Izah, maaf, maaf kan diri ini.

Zizah, maaf kan aku. Maaf kan aku kerna semakin lemah. Maaf kan aku kerna tidak sekuat dahulu. Maaf kan ku kerna membuatkan diri mu telah hilang zaman 'kegemilangan' mu, maaf kan ku kerna membuatkan mu semakin leka dalam dunia ciptaan ku. Zizah, maaf kan aku, kerna tidak bangun membawa mu mengejar kembali segala yang telah pergi dari mu, mencari ganti segala yang telah menghilang dari mu. Maaf kan ku, Zizah.

Ya Allah, ku pohon pertolongan dari-Mu. Tika ini ku sedari kelemahan diri, yang terlalu membebani diri sehingga ku hilang arah. Cuba mencari ruangan untuk kembali bangkit seperti dulu. Masa tidak akan kembali, dan sememangnya tidak ku percayai adanya peluang kedua, tetapi ku berharap diri ini dapat menjadi lebih baik dari sebelumnya. Ku amat memerlukan pertolongan dari Mu, wahai Pencipta ku.

Abi, adik berjanji pada diri sendiri, akan bangkit kembali, meraih kekuatan diri yang suatu masa dahulu diberikan abi tanpa mengenal erti penat jemu. Adik tak akan membiarkan usaha abi yang dulu menjadi sia-sia semata. Insya-Allah, adik akan berusaha mengembalikan semula senyuman di wajah abi seperti dulu. Abi, tunggu adik, jangan lah abi pergi dulu sebelum sempat adik melihat senyuman itu kembali menyinari wajah abi.

Umi, tidak akan azizah sia-sia kan lelah umi selama ini. Tidak akan pernah azizah meragui kasih umi yang menggunung tinggi itu lagi. Tidak akan pernah azizah berpaling dari umi lagi. Umi, azizah sayang umi, azizah tekad untuk sentiasa menjadi anak yang tidak akan pernah melupakan umi. Azizah akan berusaha sesungguhnya membahagiakan umi sebelum umi pergi.

Kak Ifah, kak Imah, tunggu lah. Akan adik bukti kan, inilah azizah, adik kalian yang tidak akan kembali jatuh lagi. Adik kalian yang tidak akan pernah berputus asa lagi, adik kalian yang tidak akan pernah melukai hati kalian lagi dengan kelukaan yang adik alami. Kalian lihat lah, adik akan bangkit kembali bersama-sama tiupan semangat kalian, bersama impian yang pernah kita janjikan dahulu. Tidak akan pernah diri ini jatuh lagi.

Firdaus, Na'im, kak Izah berjanji, kalian tidak akan lagi melihat lagi tangisan dan keluhan dari kak Izah. Yang akan kak Izah kongsi hanyalah kejayaan yang bisa membakar semangat kalian untuk terus berusaha dalam hidup kalian, moga kalian menjadi insan yang lebih baik dari kak Izah. Usah kalian risau lagi, kerna yang akan kak Izah kongsi bermula saat ini hanyalah kisah-kisah kejayaan kak Izah bangkit kembali dan terus berusaha ke akhirnya. Tunggu lah, wahai adik-adik ku. Tidak ku cemari semangat kental kalian lagi.

Zizah, bangunlah, bangkitlah. Kembali kan semangat diri mu untuk kembali menggamit kegemilangan mu yang telah hilang dahulu. Jangan riak, dan jangan pula terlalu merendah diri. Allah tidak menyukai mukmin yang cepat berputus asa, malah Allah tidak akan mengubah kisah hidup hamba-Nya melainkan hamba itu yang bangkit berusaha sendiri. Itulah rahmat kasih dari Allah. Zizah, segala cubaan dan rintangan hanya lah sementara. Ia diberi Allah untuk mendidik Zizah menjadi seorang yang lebih berdikari dan bersedia menghadapi kehidupan yang sebenar. Ia menjadi bukti kepada mu bahawa Allah masih setia di sisi mu, tidak akan pernah Dia melupai mu, kerna dengan ujian itulah bukti Allah sedang mendidik dan mengajar Zizah hari demi hari.

Zizah, tanggungjawab yang diberi bukan lah sebagai beban hidup mu. Anggap lah ia sebagai tempat diri mu membawa agama Allah lebih jauh. Buktikan lah bahawa diri ini masih mampu bangkit berbakti biarpun hanya sedikit. Hadapilah segalanya dengan redha, sabar dan tabah. Jangan pernah terlintas di hati itu untuk kembali mengulangi sejarah yang tiada jaminan kebahagiaan dalam hidup mu. Bangkit lah Zizah, bangun lah Zizah. Moga hati ini sentiasa mengingati Mu, ya Allah. Insya-Allah.

"Ya Allah, ku mohon pada-Mu, jangan lah Kau biarkan ku terus menjauh dari Mu. Sedangkan diri ini sentiasa memerlukan Mu untuk bangkit dari kelamnya hati ini, meraih biar sedikit harapan untuk terus menghadapi segalanya dengan hati yang bersih, dan jiwa yang tenang. Ya Allah, ku pohon agar diberi kekuatan untuk tersenyum menghadapi segala cabaran, insya-Allah..."

Masih berbaki harapan dalam diri,

Cleo

~ Creating Ideas, Developing Words ~

[ It's Good to Know ]

With Allah's love

Assalamu'alykum to you

I'm sorry for not being a perfect friend to you. I've tried my best all this time to be like Kin and Munie. But still, it never turned out to be right neither to you nor me.

I know, I'm not a perfect person like you are. I always did wrong things at the wrong time in the wrong situation. It never turned out to be perfect to you.

All this time, I tried to swallow every single words you said to me, every single words you complaints about me even though it hurts me so much, and deeply inside I hope you'll stop but you never did. I know, I have to accept it in order to be like them to you. Because you are such a perfect person to me. I have nothing to say to you, nothing to complaint about you, nothing to disapprove about you, because I know that's you, a person who need not to be switch into someone else to be perfect. You are perfect enough to me, and I accept everything about you since we started to be close friends.

Every time, I kept thinking on how to appear the best of me in front of you. No matter on what condition I am at that time, because I don't want you to be uncomfortable when you are with me. But till now, there is not a slightest thing showed me that my effort worked out.

I'm so sorry that I am me. I am someone who was born to be a burden, a problem, and a pest to everyone around me, to everyone close to me.

Now I know why my mother really loves you more than me, now I know why my mother adores you more than me, and now I know why my mother prefers you as her daughter, and not me. I'm just someone that's not good enough to be something worth to anyone.

You are a great person, and I'm sorry I didn't realise it earlier. I'm just someone from below who tried to be someone near to you, a person from the upper place.

You have a bright future, and both of us know it. For me who's always good at making problems and stupid things, I know I shouldn't block your path. Please, I don't need any words or explanation from you for I know it is hard for you to talk about this  since we knew each other. Please don't make yourself burdened by me. Just, go on with your life. Strike for the best, and be proud of yourself, my dear. Please don't let me be something that effects your life badly.

Go, strive for your perfect life and live in it with full of gratefulness. I promise you, yesterday was the last day you'll be uneasy with what I've done. I promise you, today is the beginning of your perfect life, my dear. I hope you'll be enjoying it till you hold your bright future in your hands. Ganbatte kudasai-neh.

You are the best person I've ever met, and I hope you'll always be the best in your life. =)

Adios, amigo.

Your smile is my pleasure 
and you are always in my prayers.

With full of love,
Cleo
~ Creating Ideas, Developing Words ~