With Allah's love
Assalamu'alykum my dear
It's been awhile since I came here and share something. I'd just finished blog-walking and really miss the moments I shared things in my life with you. My dear, it's been... I don't know. A month I guess I'm in this training camp. And a lot had happen which I refuse to share it here. For it hurts too much. And, this time, it takes away half of myself. Been a week, yet I still can't find my other half. La hawla wala quwata illa billah. I lost it. This time for real. And I guess, it's my fault. To give 'em too much, till I forgot about Him. O Allah, forgive me for what I did. Forgive me, ya Rabb.
I don't know what to do. This time I really don't know what to do to call her back. Been praying for days, still no news from her. Been doing every thing I could, but still the same. Right now, feels like there's nothing inside. It's like living as a doll. This is not right, not the way I should be. No. It's not. I need to wake up. I need to... I need to... *sigh* I don't know the word. I just don't know.
This is not right. It makes me feels tired more than before. My stamina, really goes down the hill. Please, my dear. You need to be better right now, my dear. There's no time left! Not at all. Please. Don't be such a quitter. Please. That's not who you are. No. That's not you. Please. Come back. Come back as a better person, my dear.You have double the responsibilities than others. You need to finish up your work before get home, you need to cover up your steps for tournament. Stop being such a quitter, not now my dear. Not now. Please. You've gone this far. Too far to quit. Don't make your time a waste, don't make your money go to waste, and don't make your efforts before go to waste. Words are painful, but don't make it become a sword that cut you off to pieces. Please, oh please my dear.
Just pray, keep on praying for her to come back, my dear. Please don't give up. Let go, just let go all the feelings that kept coming. It's no use to be in such a gloomy day for all the time. Please. Please. Please. A Muslimah shouldn't be gloomy for long, my dear. It's okay now, it's okay. Rise, my dear. Rise and pull yourself together again. Rise! Rise! He's always by your side, my dear. Don't afraid to fall again, He will catch you over and over again, my dear. Let go of everything in your past. Let go! Rise again my dear. No one can make you stand up, it's you yourself my dear. Please..!!
Don't expect people to understand you, because mostly they don't when you yourself don't understand them either. Do not let other people wear your shoes, because they were specially made for you, and only you. Appreciate His gifts, my dear. You may share 'em with others but no one will appreciate it if you didn't. Because they have their own shoes to care on their own. Rise! If you fail on this one, how can you claim to go for the next level in front of Him, my dear.. Enough is enough for all those stupidity you did. Learn from it, but don't let it tear you apart. Come back and rise!
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Brothers and sisters, don't forget to pray for all of Muslims around the world. They need our du'a even for a single phrase from our heart (for we didn't have the courage to join them in jihad).
Trying hard, may Allah be with me all the way
Cleo
~ Creating Ideas, Developing Words ~