Tuesday, March 30, 2010

[ Usah Risau, Usah Bimbang ]

With Allah's love
Assalamu'alykum to all

Hari ni, terasa nak post in BM. It's okay, nothing's wrong.

Usah risau,
bukan kerna ku tak peduli, tapi kerna ku fahami. Bukan mudah untuk kau terima ku seadanya, kerna mereka yg bertahun mengenali ku juga masih begitu. Masih sukar utk menerima ku seadanya. Apatah lagi kau.

Usah bimbang,
kerna ku tak mahu memaksa, kerna ku tak mahu menyiksa. Perlukah kau ku paksa, sedang kau punya kehendakmu sendiri. Ku biar kau dalam hitung mu sendiri, tak perlu ku campuri urusan itu.

Usah risau,
ku fahami detik itu. Mungkin perjalanan kita masih jauh, bersimpang siur jalan di hadapan. Maka ku tidak memaksa mu utk terus memahami ku. Jalani lah, susuri lah, pergi lah merantau agar kau lebih mengerti.

Usah bimbang,
bila kau bertindak begitu. Biar ku terluka, tapi tidak akan ku balas kepedihan itu. Kerna ku tahu, kau masih belum mengerti. Luka ini hanya secebis, yang akan sembuh tanpa perlu diubati.

Tak mengapa,
biarkan ia begini, sehingga kau dapat fahami segalanya. Ku tetap di sini, cuba perbaiki kelemahan diri, cuba hayati kembali segala yang telah terjadi. Ku pohon kemaafan andai kau pernah ku sakiti.


Sedang memahami
Cleo
~ Creating Ideas, Developing Words ~

Monday, March 22, 2010

[ Rubbish ]

With Allah's love
Assalamu'alykum to all

***
Would you tell me I was wrong
WOuld you help me understand
Are you looking down upon me
And proud of who I am...

~ Hurt by Christina Aguilera ~

***
They tell me about myself, as if they know me for all these years, they talk about me whenever they want,
as if they know I'm not listening. They ask me a stupid question, why must I treat them differently When I did things they hate, when I did things that hurts them. Why must they say those things when they didn't even be at my side all the time and be with me in every single thing I did...?

I told them earlier when we first met, you are all the same to me. No matter how often we spend the time together, you are still a stranger to me. I treat each of you the same, as a stranger. No one gets special treat except one or two of you, who understands me a bit deeper then most of you. Can't you see...? I treat them the same way I treat you, all of you. I am a mirror to what I see, what I feel when you are talking to me, interacting with me. Nothing more, nothing less.
The only matter here is most of you see it negatively. And without trying to understand me, you just go ahead and judge me as the person you thought you know.

I thought everything's fine when I talk to you more, tell you stories, and share you the moments. But all of it just a waste. All of you still looking at me that way. Still judging me that way. And still giving me your negatively thinking.
There's nothing more I could do to make you understand the situation. Because you'll never do. You had never open your heart to know, to understand, and to be other people. And as long as you didn't have the ability to be that way, I guarantee that you will never understand me, and the way I lead my life. Not just me, it will happen to every person you meet in your life.

Life is like a game. You won't know the skills you need, the best strategy to win and most important is, the way of the game being played. You won't understand it if you play the game using cheats, because you gain nothing more than useless rubbish. Of course, you will get to the aim or winnig point faster, but you will not feel the satisfaction of playing the game. It's all just the same goes to our lives.

Yes, I'm hurt when I heard about it. Yes, if I have the time, I would cry it all day long. And yes, if I have the chance, I'll meet you and ask you what shall I do.
But no, I won't let my heart sink any more. No, I won't let my tears touch my face. And no, I don't want to meet you right now as I feel no desire to see you.

But of course, thanks a lot for being there for me. For giving me those opinions, for me to change myself into a better person to people like you. It doesn't matter, right? Whether I'm being myself or not because all you know is, I SHOULD BE that way, according to your way of thinking.

I crossed my heart, that I will be THAT person as you wished. Maybe, that was a sign from Allah who wants me to change my behaviour, and become a better person. I know it's gonna be a hard way, and I know I will need to pay for what I did. But I don't really care, as long as all of you satisfied and won't be able to talk about me anymore.

***
It's hard to forget
I wish there was a solution
Don't spend your time in confusion
I'll turn back now and spread...

My broken wings,
Still strong enough to cross the ocean with
My broken wings,
How far should I go drifting in the wind...
Higher and higher in the light...

~ OST of Trinity Blood ~


Listening to Purity OST
Cleo
~ Creating Ideas, Developing Words ~

Thursday, March 18, 2010

[ Ilmu 1 ]

With Allah's love
Assalamu'alykum to all



Today, I had a class with Ustaz Fakhrurrazi, my lecturer for Methodology of Hadith. One quotation I'll keep forever in my mind, insya-Allah, is, 


"Kalau kamu dapat satu ilmu yang seperti tu, cepat-cepat lah catatkan kerana ilmu itu yang lebih berharga. Ia datang terus daripada Allah hanya untuk kamu."


And for that, I really want to take note of one thing I learnt for today. I hope this will remain forever in my mindset, insya-Allah.

Now, let's take a look at what I've got, shall we?  =)

  1. In meeting or any single thing that includes an organisation, each of the members shall be considerate about time. (Hopefully, I can be punctual so that no one will lose anything.)
  2. To chip in when someone's talking, I need to let him/her to finish up whatever he/she wants to talk about, and after that, I can chip in WITH a sign or something that tells everyone that I have something to say about the topic we are discussing. (Hmm.. I need to be more polite on this.)
  3. When it's my turn to brief or talk or anything, I need to talk straight to the point. No "aaa...aaa...erm..." what-so-ever, no "bla...bla...bla..." and so on. I need to think first before opening my mouth and start talking. Think of the main point, and give ONLY that point to everyone. (I think this will save lot of time rather than talking about nonsense or nothing in one minute, everyone just stare at me and wait for my next word because they can't understand what am I gonna tell them...hmm...)

Well, there's more to type in here but I need to go now. I have a class for tonight. Hopefully I can give full attention tonight. Amin.




Trying to be better,
Cleo

~ Creating Ideas, Developing Words ~

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Pembinaan Tembok Besi Gaza-Mesir



---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Yusmasayu Abdullah <yusmasayu_humaira@yahoo.com>
Date: 2010/3/16
Subject:
To: ada_4tun@yahoo.com, aisyahzamzuri@yahoo.com, akmil89@yahoo.com.my, amir_dakwah@yahoo.com, ana_asyikin@yahoo.com.my, azid1989@yahoo.com.my, azid1989@yahoo.com, azie_pinky87@yahoo.com, azizahnajib@gmail.com, bintu_alqadir@yahoo.com, blegurlz_05@yahoo.com, capucino_coffie89@yahoo.com, coolgirlz_njsna@yahoo.com, ct_eca90@yahoo.com, ctiey_0301@yahoo.com, daey_1988@yahoo.com, didi7_88@yahoo.com, ewa_ezah891130@yahoo.com, fairy_sist89@yahoo.com, famiey89@yahoo.com, fancy_angelic@yahoo.com, farhan_901114@yahoo.com.my, fiqa3112@gmail.com, fizzati_89@yahoo.com, ghurabaneo@yahoo.com.my, ha_qim88@yahoo.com, Haf_nie07@yahoo.com, hajar_luv89@yahoo.com, halim_muslim@yahoo.com, halim_muslim89@yahoo.com.com, halim_muslim89@yahoo.com, hazwani_harumanfirdausi@yahoo.com, hisyam_8846@yahoo.com, humaira_cutegirls87@yahoo.com, husna412@yahoo.com, idah_aris@ymail.com, iela2205@gmail.com, ieyz_fareaszt@yahoo.com, iezsyafiqa_003@yahoo.com, imtiyaz_fatin@yahoo.com, islamic_sliss@yahoo.com.my, isno89@yahoo.com, izzah_imtiyaz@yahoo.com, karamah_90@yahoo.com, ladysufi@yahoo.com, lini88_islandgurlz@yahoo.com, liyawahab22@yahoo.com, lovelygurlz1425@yahoo.com.my, mezy_uchiha@yahoo.com, mila_syamila89@yahoo.com, mr_azrizz@yahoo.com, mreez_leo87@yahoo.com, mujadid_yusra@yahoo.com, muna_girl90@yahoo.com, myglowinglife@hotmail.com, naqsueha@yahoo.com, nea_2706@yahoo.com, ni_sape@yahoo.com, nikmohdnoorfaizul@yahoo.com, nurabaky_129@yahoo.com, nuril_2187@yahoo.com, nurina_ain87@yahoo.com, one_wan1410@yahoo.com, oreqelate@yahoo.com, princess_niza88@yahoo.com.my, princess_niza88@yahoo.com, qalamhazin@ymail.com, qurratun_mahabbah@yahoo.com, radhie89@yahoo.com, rahima-musa@yahoo.com, rindu_syahid90@yahoo.com, sal_mawarberduri@yahoo.mail, shark_190190@yahoo.com, sirulasrar_88@yahoo.com, sitifarikha@yahoo.com, sitijuwairiah@yahoo.com, snjj_4856@yahoo.com, srwk89@yahoo.com, suhaizam87@yahoo.com.my, sutera_najm2@yahoo.com.my, syukri_mumtaz@yahoo.com, uda_hayati@yahoo.com, uppa89_hammer@yahoo.com, wanie_sal88@yahoo.com, zealot89_jb@yahoo.com.my, zelan_dq@yahoo.com, zue_zuemie@yahoo.com, Nurul Asiah <cia_leo@yahoo.com>


Usaha Meletupkan Terowong dan Membina Tembok Besi di Sempadan Gaza-Mesir Terus Berjalan

February 10, 2010

steel_wallPada hari Selasa (9/2) lepas, pihak Keselamatan Mesir telah meletupkan sebuah lagi terowong yang ditemui di sempadan Gaza-Mesir di Rafah, di sebahagian selatan Semenanjung Gaza. Sumber-sumber tempatan melaporkan bahawa pasukan keselamatan Mesir menemui sebuah terowong yang bermula di Kem Pelarian Palestin Yibna di Rafah.

Mesir baru-baru ini telah mengenalpasti dan meletupkan beberapa terowong yang dijumpai di sempadan mereka dengan Gaza. Terowong Gaza menjadi sumber utama pembekalan barang dan makanan akibat pengepungan Israel yang telah berjalan sekian lama dan tindakan Mesir tidak membuka pintu persempadanan Rafah.


Mesir saat ini sedang membina Tembok Besi di sempadan mereka dengan Gaza. Projek yang mencetuskan ketidakpuasan hati umat Islam ini disokong, di pantau dan dibiayai oleh Amerika Syarikat.

Menurut laporan Akhbar Israel Haaretz, tembok besi itu di bina dengan kedalaman 20 – 30 meter bawah tanah, di sepanjang 9 – 10km untuk mengelakkan warga Gaza menggali terowong di persempadanan Mesir – Gaza selepas ini.

Bahan yang digunakan untuk membina tembok itu adalah kandungan besi yang kuat bagi memastikan tidak ada yang boleh merosakan atau menebuk lubang pada tembok tersebut. 


Saturday, March 13, 2010

[ Nothing or Something? ]

With Allah's love
Assalamu'alykum to all

Before I start, this song, BSB - Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely, I dedicated to my family. I really miss all of you. Insya-Allah, I'll try to steal some time to go back home sooner. Pray for all of you from far. =)

Okay, that's it. There're lots of stories in my mind right now to share in here but I guess it's not gonna be in this post, as usual as it's already late now. I have fencing class tomorrow morning, and then the filming for our beloved fencing class's simulation. I think it'll take time to complete it as we are in a big group. =)

Well, tonight, I just want to share some of my activities or actually, my 'history' lately. First and foremost, I pray for Allah's forgiveness if my prediction is right. I can sense it, and I beg for His forgiveness for the maybe-true-sins I got lately. It wasn't in my list-to-do of course, it's just a spontaneous act. I can't be somebody else all the time, it's just me and for me, I wasn't trying to do that to any of them. Hopefully, it's not true. Hopefully.





Then, it's about my daily hectic life. Gosh. Only me, Miss Wani and He knows everything that had happened and those aren't the sweet memories to be told in here. I refuse to share those kind of stories in here because I hate those moments to live any longer in my life. Just enough to say, now I know them, for real. And believe me, this will be one of the major reason for love won't be accompanying me in this short six semesters. 

Demand? They can just throw any words they can say to me, I don't care even a bit for this one. Let them know, not all of us can except guys easily, just with one click. Geez. Fame, looks et cetera never get my attention ever when I set in my mind, "He's out of the list." Acting like an "uncivilised person", you'll be the first one to be put aside.

Geez, why am I typing about this? All I want to say is, "Stop thinking in your mind, I'm falling for you." Geez.

Ah, and the second thing, I think it should be the first. LOL. I'm starting to be like a robotic machine or something. I have no time for myself unless I take some time while working. And believe me, it's not good for your health, okay? Don't do this at home. LOL.

Lately, I'm starting to feel one feeling that gives me pain, and sometimes, it did effect my routine, especially my dietary. This is not good, my dear. It's not good. I can't live my life unhealthily. It will make my day so numb towards everything around and making me less alert of important things. I already forgot one of my exam (luckily it was reminded one night before the exam day); forgot my class on Wednesday at noon, and reminded by an sms from Miss Wani, (lucky again) asking me why I'm not in the class; and I've becoming not alert to some of the important announcement made in certain important community I joined. Oh gosh. I don't know what's gonna happen next. Hopefully, I wont be forgetting to submit my assignments, na'uzubillah.

Well, I'm feeling sleepy already. Ah, before stop typing, I just wanna type about one more thing. I hope, my dream just now won't be a reality in my life. Like I use to say,"It's not good for your health." LOL.

Well, whatever it is, ganbatte kudasai neh..!! Live your life at the most and try to be a pro in it, my dear. Chaiyok..!!!


Avoiding and facing
Cleo
~ Creating Ideas, Developing Words ~

Monday, March 8, 2010

[ Dear... ]

With Allah's love
Assalamu'alykum to you, dear diary...


Not today, I can't. I tried to but it won't do. I don't know why and now I'm not sure when's the right time to do so. I need it, really, and for real this time. I need my time, to cry, to be alone, to think of everything that had happened to me all this long suffocating time.

Dear diary, 

I don't know what had happened to my life, that changes every single parts in my life. I can't even have the slightest time to get up carefully this time. Each time I'm almost done, and almost have some time to breath in, I was pushed back into the pit. I can't reach my hand out to hold on to something, and I can't even voice out for help even to the closest person beside me.

Dear diary,

The cut's too deep, and I can't... I can't....I just can't get rid of the wounds it gave to me What shall I do now? Right now, I just feel that I have no desire any more to talk, to open my mouth, to use my hands, and share anything with anyone. I'm afraid I'll be someone who didn't know how to be grateful for her life, I'm afraid I'll be going too far away from the path, just because of my words. And of course, it's the worst and I don't want it to be that way.

Dear diary,

Please, listen to me. There're a lot in here, and I need you to hear it one by one. What happened to me? Can you tell me? Can you answer me? Can you protect me from being hurt once more? Protect me from all those outsiders? Can you?

Dear diary,

I don't know. Right now, all I need is time for me to be on my own. To think of my own, and to be gone for myself.

I can't type anymore....too tired....I need to rest now...tomorrow's a busy day....no classes. all of hmm...i can't see the screen now...just type accordingly to my sense..=_=




Speechles,
Cleo
~ Creating Ideas, Developing Words ~

Monday, March 1, 2010

[ We Will Meet Again ]

With Allah's love
Assalamu'alykum to all


Hmm...it's gonna rain at any time, I see. The wind blows so hard that some leaves manage to get into my room. But still, the heat can't be defeated by the wind. It's so dark out there that it reminds me of a scene in LOTR.
Seriously, if you take a look at the scene behind DECTAR from KTHO, it's the same as in the movie. I can't get myself away from the window 'cuz I was too stunned to see the situation. The lightning, the sound, the wind, everything. O Allah, please forgive me for what I'd done.

I miss watching LOTR marathon at home, on the couch, without anyone busy making noises around. Aaahhh.... What a wonderful moment... Well, I used to do that back there after SPM, spending most of my time watching LOTR extended version (no cutting scene). Okay, okay. Enough. This is not the point.

The point is, I miss Mia II, the cute car. I'd sent her back to her owner this morning and now starting to miss her.  After spending seven days with her, going all around UKM with her, I really missed her so much. She hears me all the time, she knows everything that happened around me, and knows what I felt all the time for those seven days. All the words, the silence, the tears, the smiles, the sweet, the bitter, you knows more than anyone, dear Mia.  Mia, I believe we'll meet again one day.

I'd drive Mr Frontier, Mr Accord, Mia I and Mia II. And so far, I love Mia II more than the others. I wonder if I have my own car one day. She'll definitely be the first priority, I think. Of course it's after those important VVIPs. =)

Well, let me think of one special name for that new comer... =D

I like the name Mia, but already given it to a car. Hmm...I think I'll give it the name, Dale. The same name of me and my bro's beloved cat. I'll love that car the same way I love Dale. =)

Mia II, I'll be missing you, dear. And I believe, I'll meet you again some day and we'll share more stories in my life together. =)



Missing Mia II,
Cleo
~ Creating Ideas, Developing Words ~