Saturday, December 18, 2010

[ Terdiam . . . Terkelu ]

With Allah's love
Assalamualykum to whoever

Tak tau nak cakap cemana lagi dah. Bukan sekali, bukan dua kali, dah berkali-kali jadi. Ya, mungkin ini salah dari sy sendiri gamaknya. Mungkin sy harus kembali ke sy yang dulu gamaknya. Mungkin itu diri sy yg terbaik, mungkin.

But, I refuse to go back at that time. To compare, those are the most dramatic moments in my life. But I guess, that's what my life is suppose to be all this time, right? But I really HATE it! D'you hear me? I HATE IT! And I don't want to be like that again or even look back at those moments in my life!

Seriously, do you think I'm the one who will take my time and just having fun screening back my history? Then you're wrong! Totally wrong! I hate histories, so don't you ever ever ever talk to me again about the past! Enough!

If you hate me the way I am right now, then just leave. Save your heart, save yourself from being thorn apart by me and my sarcastic-ism. (I've changed, remember?)

If you really wanna talk about it, let me tell you something. At that time, what did you do to show how you care about me? At that time, tell me what have you done to show that you are comfortable being with me? At that time, tell me only one thing you did, to show me that you actually trust me? And at those horrible times, tell me only one thing you did to defend me?

I just wanna hear it from you, one thing you did. Only one thing and if you manage to say it, I'll be my old time me again.

All that I DO remember is, you're one of them. Even though you didn't act like them, you stood still at your place, sayin' nothin'. Even after we get so close, you still one of them. Tell me I was wrong.

They left me when they got hurt by me. They left me when they can't stand it anymore. They thrown me away when I told them the truth. They didn't even believe in what I said. They just can't take it when their prediction towards me somehow wrong.

I refuse, because I don't wanna hold any grudge like I used to. I don't wanna have burdens anymore. If you still wanna be one of them, so it be. It's your right to choose. I've told you the truth, and I'd never lied to you since before. To them, till now I never wanna talk about what they wanna know from me but you, I believe I've told you enough.

Right now, I'm fine with myself although I know I did lots of sins. And I'm still a human who tries to be better day by day, with my own will.

Have faith in me, trust me for what I did tell you about because I do hope you're not completely one of them.
A hint: I hate mistakes and I don't believe in second chance EVEN to myself.

~ Creating Ideas, Developing Words ~
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