[ If Only the Truth Being Told ]

With Allah's love

Assalamualykum my dear

I have to say this, I just have to. I wish I could say the truth but when the time comes, I'm speechless. Like a fool. Nothing came out of my lips. I wish I could say: Please, we are and always be no more than acquaintance. This is hard for me. It's hard enough for me to accept strangers into my life, plus to be accepted as family? When each of us can't confront each other and talk, about real life, real deal. Face to face. This shows to me there's no trust at all between us. And how do you expect me to accept you as my family when there's no trust between us?

Look, we're not fools, I'm not a fool. I know you've been talking behind me, and that's the biggest mistake you've done, my dear. For me. I hate that attitude, for real. How do you expect me to know what I did wrong when you didn't even bother to talk about it? What? You think I'm some kind of white wizard or the elf? I'm sorry for what I did, and I'm sorry if every single thing I did was wrong, and wrong, and wrong, and stupid enough for you. Tell me, if it is, just tell me right away so I won't be repeating it again and again and again.

I hate doing mistakes, but how can I help myself when I didn't know what's right and what's wrong? Please, stop the discrimination. I told you, I take serious of my work, and I'm sorry, I don't joke around when I'm working but it doesn't mean that I hate working with you guys. If you wanna joke around, so be it but there'll be no jokes coming out from my lips while I'm working. That's all. No feelings attached.

*sigh*

I hate leaving with so many questions in my head but then I feel like I have no rights to question you. Nothing more than worried you'll say I'm rebelling when asking too many questions but indeed, I need to know everything, I have to so that I can leave the past without affecting the future, though I doubt we'll see each other again after this.

Whatever it is, to say I'm sorry for every single thing I did wasn't enough for me for not knowing the real reason saying those words. It's kinda saying the words just for formality before leaving.

Hmmm

Or should I be the first to ask?

Searching the way
Cleo
~ Creating Ideas, Developing Words ~

[ Ini Bukan Cobaan, Ini Betul-betul ]

With Allah's love

Assalamu'alykum my dear

How are you, my dear? Hope you're doin' fine sepanjang ketiadaan sy la ye. hik3 Merepek ja lebey lalalalala.

Orite la. Nak kata tak dak apa, nipu la kan, tapi ada banyak tu yang jadi sampai rasa, macam tak dak apa. Err apekah hahaha.

Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah. Walaupun tak official tapi kira official la dulu naa, buleh? hehe Alhamdulillah, hari ni tamat sudah contract keja part time as facilitator. Huuuuu. Macam-macam pengalaman, dan yang pastinya, tentulah banyak salah silap yang jadi. Hopefully mereka-mereka yang terlibat mampu untuk memaafkan salah silap kita ni. Ameen.

Empat hari lepas berprogram untuk Kem Rasul in My Heart and tadi kemungkinan hari last berkhidmat as fasi untuk program anak-anak staf. Macam-macam benda jadi untuk hari ni saja. Meh nak story...

Mula-mula sekali tentulah bangun lambat. Tak tau lah, malas nak salahkan tido lambat semalam tapi mungkin sebab tu la kot. Bangun tadi, memang tak sempat la kalo nak naik ktm kan. So terus drive gi sana. Hadoyai. Bermulalah al-kisah lagenda budak sesat. Masa pi tadi, dok terasa hati ni nak ikut jalan yang adik-adik IPG selalu guna: Stadium Bukit Jalil. Ye la, dok ingat kalo ikut situ tak tempuh jem, tak banyak tol. Kita tak pernah lalu situ, memang tak tau apa la. Sekali sampai situ, jem...!! Lama gila, panjang gila. Tambah pulak tak pernah lalu situ, ikut suka hati ja masuk jalan mana pun. Lagi la tambah lambat nak sampai. Dah tu, tambah pulak last skali jalan tu tembus kot jalan yg sama I ikut jalan yang selalu guna tu! Siriusli?! Masa tu memang hati kering sungguh dah. Satu, terasa bazir gila minyak and masa, tambah pulak, its the same route, so got the same amount or kalo less pun satu ja kot plaza tol all the way tu. So, bazir duit sama. Siriusli... kesesatan yang nyata ni memang di tahap Kinabalu.

Okay, pagi dah macam tu, sampai sana alhamdulillah ada parking kosong. Tapi bila jejak kaki masuk,  adoyai...... Hari ni paling dasyat la adik-adik tu. Bayangkan, untuk sehari tu 5 orang menangis. Kena buli, bergaduh, macam-macam. Kelam kabut ngan depa, terlupa about makanan. Kelam kabut habis hari tu. Haisy.... Tapi tak pa, penat takat tu ja, belum tenat lagi. hehe.

Cukup situ, nak balik, sekali tengok ada surat cinta berharga RM 100 menanti kat cermin keta. Oh no! Panjang umur betul la. Sebelum tu baru ja sembang ngan dak-dak fasi ni about saman and tiket parking area tu. Adoi la...... Sekian!

Tak pa la, dengan hati yang redha ku terima warkah cinta itu, letak elok-elok. Drive pasang lagu UNIC kuat-kuat, melalak sorang-sorang. hohoho. Ada keta sport kat lane sebelah, baru beli kot, tengok plat dia cantik ja. huhu. Tapi kesah pulak aku? You nak bayarkan saman I ke? Tak kan, so gi maen jejauh. hahaha. Okay, pastu bermulalah kisah pengembaraan pulang Budak Sesat. Tak faham! Guna jalan yang sama selalu guna jugak, tapi tak tau macam mana baca signboard, tak tau macam mana GPS otak control tangan ngan steering tu, boleh jugak sesat!!

Kali ni punya penyesatan memang menyimpang jauh sangat weyh! Bayangkan la, boleh pulak termasuk laluan nak ke PICC. Tembus keluar jalan belakang PICC. Siap boleh nampak rumah Prof Siti lagi haaa, memaen kau. hahahaha. Gile betul, half tank minyak habis dalam satu malam! Naseb baek la keja sambilan ja, kalo tiap-tiap hari lagu ni punya cerita, naya weyh, naya. Confirm kalo kawen ti kena berenti keja. Mana tak nya, duit habis kat minyak and tol, then masa habis kat atas jalan, then sampai umah paling awal 10 lebih. Nah kau, sapa nak jaga rumah, anak semua? Aigoo aigoo. =.=

Dah sampai jauh tu, tambah lapaq pulak, tak terasa nak nasi, so teringin la nak beli RFC. Cari jalan from there pi B.B. Bangi, pusing punya pusing tak jumpa parking, full! Tak faham. Kenapa malam ni jugak nak full semua tempat makan ni, bukan hujung minggu. Stress! Tak jadi, nak pi PKNS beli KFC. Sampai sana ingat dan nak beli susu dulu sat dalam Billion, sekali ramai orang pulak beratur kaunter. Semata-semata nak bayaq 3 items, beratur sampai lenguh kaki. Dah keluar tu memang tak la kan, tutup dah la KFC nye pon haa. Sekian. =.=

Dengan perut yang lapaq teringin segala benda tak dapat, last hope, burger sedap depan umah ja la. Memang yakin burger tu akan dapat jugak, so plan singgah sat Pusanika, nak tengok dak-dak training. Pi sana pulak, parking full jugak! Dah kenapa laaaahhhh..... Tak paham. Kalau siang kot la, ni da dekat tengah malam kot. Fed up terus balik. Tapi sempat lagi calling-calling coach, terus ajak minum-minum area umah kami. So tu lah pengakhiran kali ni: Dating ngan coach, sambil makan burger ditemani Radix ais. Balik dengan tangki minyak hampir kosong, touch n go yang semestinya kosong - kosong oooo, tapi alhamdulillah perut yang penuh. Sekian wassalam. hohohoho.

Tu ja lah, jom jom nak kira bil pulak. Bayaq jangan tak bayaq ^___^

Lagenda Budak Sesat terbaek
Cleo
~ Creating Ideas, Developing Words ~

[ Bila Dia Dalam Taman ]

With Allah's love

Assalamualykum my dear

Malam ni, nothing much. Cuma terasa ketagihan nak update blog dicampur aduk dengan kegembiraan tak terhingga petang tadi. Guess what? Hari ni sebenarnya tak planning pi mana-mana pun, sebab pikir malas nak redah traffic jam. Bak kata Cik Wani, "Aizah ni memang tak leh dok tempat jem." hik3

Tak pa lah. Yang nak jadi ceritanya, ntah cemana leh tetiba dah bersiap-siapan nak ke Putrajaya. Ketemu sama dia, kekasih yang dirindui, Cik Tiqa. hahaha Siyes, rindu sangat sama beliau okay. Alhamdulillah, Allah yang merancang. Walaupun beliau da berkerjaya sekarang, bukan calang-calang, wartawan tu, tentu sekali sorang yang busy, tapi Allah punya perancangan, kami tetap ada jodoh untuk berjumpa. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah ^^

Pastu, mula la kami bergosip-gosipan! Hahahaha! Macam-macam cerita, terlalu excited kedua-dua manusia ni, sampaikan cerita melompat-lompat dari situ, ke sana, patah balik, jump to another story pulak, da sampai selekoh, patah balik. hahahaha adoyai. Cenggitu la ladies bila nyembang. Kompem pening guys kalo masuk campur. hahaha sekian.

Okay, so, sepanjang berjumpa bergosipan tak berenti. Hatta tengah makan pun semangat lagi kami menyembang! Too long we've been apart, too much stories to be told. huuuuuuuu.

Sampaikan pada klimaks nya, bila Tiqa tersyasyul lam keta masa nak anta Tiqa gi KTM tadi. Memang gelak besar la kitorang. hahahahaha. Da lama gila tak gelak macam tu punya happy weyh. Haisy... Kalo bebudak TBTC nampak situasi tu, memang tak dak la nak kata: Fasilitator subhanallah, allahuakbar. SEKIAN! You don't know me just yet, dear. Your judgement won't be enough yet. kikikiki

Okay lah. Sebenar-benarnya, yang buatkan terasa nak coretan kat sini jugak-jugak tu sebab ternampak post ni sorang sahabat share di fb.

There's one time, berlaku satu conversation between me and Cik Wani, masa kami dah masuk semester 5. Ingat lagi masa tu on the way balik kolej, sem 5 still stay in hostel, tak duduk luar lagi. Wani tanya about kata hati kita about someone. Then I asked her: What do you know about love, dear?

Tak ingat dah masa tu Wani jawab apa, ntah tak jawab kot persoalan tu. Yang ingat, this was my answer to her:

Love, is just a phrase people give to a feeling that comes between two hearts. But, how? Cemana perasaan tu boleh wujud? Dari mana? Betul ke dari mata jatuh ke hati? Betul ke tak kenal maka tak cinta? Betul ke semua lah pepatah yang orang kaitkan dengan permulaan perasaan tu?

For me, WRONG. That's so not true. Yang tu semua tu, such a rubbish. Why? It's clearly nonsense. How can you say you love someone, or something, when you can't even say: I trust in you. Hmm...? Tell me, barebwa. Please. You all, can stop your dream, drama life sekarang. Wake up. Be logical. Okay, stop about this, let us focus on one MAIN thing in our life: the love for Allah. Shall we? ^^

May I ask you, have you ever wonder cemana para sahabat dulu boleh begitu teguh hati dan iman diorang to Allah? Sedangkan masa Islam datang, diorang dah cukup tua, malah lebih tua dari kita masa kita terima Islam. Betul tak? Jangan compare situasi, ya, betul, mungkin sebab dulu diorang ada dekat dengan Rasulullah s.a.w. Tapi is that what you gonna say when Allah ask you, why don't you have your faith in Him? For all your life, kenapa you tak trust in your Creator? Nak jawab alasan tu ka? Please. Kalau you sendiri, I think you won't accept that, betul tak?

Look. The thing is, memang I admit, susah kalau nak tetiba mengaku you love something you don't see, something you can't have a look at. Itu, cinta manusia. Cinta berdasarkan apa yang dia lihat, apa yang dia tengok without anything else to think about. That's foolish. Orang macam tu yang bakal tergolong dalam orang yang bakal kecewa. To start the spark of your love, is to start trusting.

Pernah terfikir tak, trust, is benda yang paling susah nak bagi kat sesapa. Betul? Tanya sama hati, kenapa ya? Sebab trust, bukan benda main-main, bukan benda sia-sia. Sebelum nak percaya seseorang, before you put your trust on something, of course you'll do your own research, to make sure you trust in something right, true to you and the world, the truth in life. Betul tak?

So senang je key dia kat sini. You want to love Him, you HAVE to build your trust towards Him. Simple as that but it will never be a smooth path. Trust me, I'm still on the road, dear. Try it out, start with a first small step. And you'll be shocked with the treasures you found all the way. It will be a hard way, He said that, but He also promised you, He will never leave you alone all the way. Can you trust His words? If not, don't you ever say you love Him.

Sometimes, terkilan dengan rungutan sahabat-sahabat. Ya lah, kita pun belajar dari sahabat-sahabat jugak, ambil pengajaran. Terkilan bila ramai yang menangisi nasib diri, merungut dengan apa yang ada pada diri, risau terlebih about the future and so on. Siriusli, terkadang kata-kata tu shows diorang terasa macam dah tak ada pergantungan pada Allah, tak ada pengharapan langsung yang diletak pada Allah. Macam dah lupa, Allah lah yang tentukan our future. Kuasa kita hanya setakat berusaha, berusaha, dan berusaha, then doa dan tawakal. BELIEVE in Him. That's it. Sejauh mana pun you pergi, setinggi mana pun you gapai, sebanyak mana pun gerakan you join in, tapi if you yourself  tak boleh nak TRUST in Him in the way He lead your life, there's no use my dear. Sebanyak mana pun you say you love Him, for me those are just words to blind your eyes and your heart. Wake up my dear, be real. There's no such thing of love if there's no trust.

Dalam hubungan perkahwinan sekalipun, both sides perlukan kepercayaan masing-masing untuk kekalkan bahagia tu. Kenapa tidak hubungan yang paling penting, ourselves with Him? Asyik sibuk kejar hubungan antara manusia, you've forgotten, what about Him? Do you trust Him enough to make sure you gain somebody else' trust?

So please, my dear, come and join me on this path. I know, it'll be hard but don't give up. Because in the end, you'll taste the LOVE you've been longing for my dear. InsyaAllah, put your trust in Him. ^__^

A small step brings a million happiness
Cleo
~ Creating Ideas, Developing Words ~