Monday, March 22, 2010

[ Rubbish ]

With Allah's love
Assalamu'alykum to all

***
Would you tell me I was wrong
WOuld you help me understand
Are you looking down upon me
And proud of who I am...

~ Hurt by Christina Aguilera ~

***
They tell me about myself, as if they know me for all these years, they talk about me whenever they want,
as if they know I'm not listening. They ask me a stupid question, why must I treat them differently When I did things they hate, when I did things that hurts them. Why must they say those things when they didn't even be at my side all the time and be with me in every single thing I did...?

I told them earlier when we first met, you are all the same to me. No matter how often we spend the time together, you are still a stranger to me. I treat each of you the same, as a stranger. No one gets special treat except one or two of you, who understands me a bit deeper then most of you. Can't you see...? I treat them the same way I treat you, all of you. I am a mirror to what I see, what I feel when you are talking to me, interacting with me. Nothing more, nothing less.
The only matter here is most of you see it negatively. And without trying to understand me, you just go ahead and judge me as the person you thought you know.

I thought everything's fine when I talk to you more, tell you stories, and share you the moments. But all of it just a waste. All of you still looking at me that way. Still judging me that way. And still giving me your negatively thinking.
There's nothing more I could do to make you understand the situation. Because you'll never do. You had never open your heart to know, to understand, and to be other people. And as long as you didn't have the ability to be that way, I guarantee that you will never understand me, and the way I lead my life. Not just me, it will happen to every person you meet in your life.

Life is like a game. You won't know the skills you need, the best strategy to win and most important is, the way of the game being played. You won't understand it if you play the game using cheats, because you gain nothing more than useless rubbish. Of course, you will get to the aim or winnig point faster, but you will not feel the satisfaction of playing the game. It's all just the same goes to our lives.

Yes, I'm hurt when I heard about it. Yes, if I have the time, I would cry it all day long. And yes, if I have the chance, I'll meet you and ask you what shall I do.
But no, I won't let my heart sink any more. No, I won't let my tears touch my face. And no, I don't want to meet you right now as I feel no desire to see you.

But of course, thanks a lot for being there for me. For giving me those opinions, for me to change myself into a better person to people like you. It doesn't matter, right? Whether I'm being myself or not because all you know is, I SHOULD BE that way, according to your way of thinking.

I crossed my heart, that I will be THAT person as you wished. Maybe, that was a sign from Allah who wants me to change my behaviour, and become a better person. I know it's gonna be a hard way, and I know I will need to pay for what I did. But I don't really care, as long as all of you satisfied and won't be able to talk about me anymore.

***
It's hard to forget
I wish there was a solution
Don't spend your time in confusion
I'll turn back now and spread...

My broken wings,
Still strong enough to cross the ocean with
My broken wings,
How far should I go drifting in the wind...
Higher and higher in the light...

~ OST of Trinity Blood ~


Listening to Purity OST
Cleo
~ Creating Ideas, Developing Words ~
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