Saturday, September 26, 2009

Holidays [1]

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

السلام عليكم

It's been for days since I last type in my stories. Well, now I have plenty to be shared.

1st of all, I managed to create a blog that I've been dreaming and being asked from my friends, a blog for people like us, I call 'lone rangers'. Please do take a look at that blog and leave some comments if you have.

2ndly, well, I'm all alone now in my room waiting for Monday and start my busy days as usual, but with some new feelings. Part of the feelings might help me and part of them might not. I just hope they won't disappoint me. Insya-Allah.

3rdly, it's about one of my lost dreams. When I got home, I found out about my lil bro's home works. His teacher gave him lots of engineering drawings to be passed up next week. Looking at those papers really breaks my heart remembering my once and most wanted-to-be-learnt subject.

When I was in Form 4, I asked for my parents' permission to quit from my former school and go to SM Teknik but both of them asked me to stay and try my luck there. Without hesitation, I stayed but I took Arts [Drawings] subject for extra credit.

When the SPM result came out, alhamdulillah, I scored better in those subjects I need to be in the field that I want, Seni Bina. I received the invitation and really happy that no words can be thrown out from my mouth.

I was so glad that I pushed aside the invitation for Matriculation. But then, my biggest test needed me to choose [which I really hate to do till now, choosing] between my mom or my dream.

And now, here I am. Holding up my mom's...what we call it? I don't know what to say but I know you knew it.

I've lost my dream AND eventually my interest in study at that time.

For all these years I've been through were all empty. If people ask me about my reason for being in Form 6, taking STPM, and now in UKM, Pengajian Dakwah & Kepimpinan, I just can't answer them. Because I don't have the answers. I'd left my life behind long ago and now I couldn't see it coming back to me.

I tried to build up a new 'life' for me here, with this 'new' field since I was in Form 6 but I'd never succeed in it. My heart was already empty, and still the same without any spirit, eagerness and interest like I used to feel and live with before. Those times were the best moments in my life as a student, I guess.

Hearing my lil bro grumbles about his home works also breaks my heart to pieces. He got the chance, he got the support, and he got the blessings from Allah and both my parents to be there but still, he didn't feel the happiness, the glad he supposed to feel. I don't understand it. Why does things like this happens?

Yo, bro. Only one thing I want to say, "Do NOT waste it unless you know what you are doing, man. I don't want you to feel like I do for the rest of your life."

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